At the end of 2018 I gave birth to my beautiful son, Joseph. A moment that truly changed my life forever, as everyone tells you it will, but is completely impossible to imagine until in happens and then suddenly there you are together, existing as one. I have worked with children for years and in many ways felt confident stepping into motherhood, but I was taken aback by all-encompassing feelings that came with having my own baby. THAT love. The worry, the anxiety, the newness. There was a fragility to motherhood I hadn’t imagined, there was some birth trauma I needed to work through (and still am) and I developed a protective fire, that would do anything to support my son’s happiness and wellbeing.
The brand new sensations of being postpartum felt sacred and I was full of emotion. I needed to be treated softly and compassionately at ALL times. I felt open, exposed, fragile but alongside this I felt like a warrior. I just GAVE BIRTH. An experience that was more challenging than I had ever imagined, ever. And here I was, the other side, my exquisite son in my arms and I felt so powerful, so in touch with myself as a woman and in awe of women in general. (Wow, we’re extraordinary!) I became so aware of women around me that had carried a baby, lost a baby, wanted a baby, given birth to a baby and the world felt raw. The exquisite and the pain felt so close and the support for each other felt, and still feels, vital. The words I wanted to hear repeatedly are “you are not alone”. The need for what I was going through to be recognised and understood and, even more so, supported felt so important to my healing and growth, yet often felt unexplainable.
As new mothers I feel we are almost encouraged to live out of fear, letting it guide us in knowing what our baby needs. Parents constantly questioning whether they’re doing it “right”. In a world where we are bombarded with advice as new (and expecting) parents, it’s no wonder we look to each other for validation. Yet, what I wish for all new parents is to trust in the heart. Our babies needs us to thrive - the mother, the caregiver. In the early days a newborn doesn’t know where they end and we begin. Our heartbeat and warmth keeps them safe. How can we shed those expectations of perfect parenting and let ourselves lead from our intuition, to allow ourselves to feel silly, unprepared and disorganised, self-conscious and vulnerable in order to tend to our babies needs?
My own experience growing into being a mother highlighted the support I needed but didn’t have, and I had quite a bit compared to so many others. What I needed, however, was to feel completely held in my experience and taken care of so that all of my attention was on my baby who was quite rightly needing so much from me. My nervous system felt completely out of balance post birth, which had a knock-on effect on so many aspects of my postpartum recovery. As time went on, I grew more confident in my new existence as a mother and felt like my feet had finally landed back on the ground. I became more aware of what I wanted and was afraid to ask for, which really inspired me to find a training that aided me in offering this support to other mothers postpartum who may feel similarly.
I wanted to be able to be with a new mother, help her feel empowered, supported and listened to, as well as deeply cared for. After giving birth our digestive systems are as fragile as a newborns, we are mirroring so much of our babies at this time, yet the cultural expectation is for us to be ‘strong’ and to carry on living as we did before birth but with a baby in our arms. What we actually need is to be tended to so lovingly and gently - in many ways like babies ourselves. There feels to be such a fear epidemic surrounding birth and postpartum and, for me, it lead me away from my innate knowing and motherly intuition. It was only once my partner and I chose to follow what we felt and knew our baby (and us) really needed that real change occurred in our experience.
Just before my son turned two I began training as an Ayurvedic Postpartum Doula. This experience was so enriching and brought beauty into our lives as I learned so much of the ancient Ayurvedic wisdom that looks at health so holistically. It teaches how to really support a mother in her sacred window postpartum to heal gently and easily through rest, diet, herbs and massage. I want to share this work as much as possible and help put postpartum care on the map. We must become community for each other and offer and ask for support when we need it and the thought I often remind myself in time of distress or unknown is ‘if we respond from the heart our children shall flourish’.
A note from Gabriel
To find out more about what I offer you can visit my website www.goldenpostpartum.co.uk